I think I have a lot of very intelligent women in my circle here. So let put something on your mind here. I think most all women want a man that has something going. Some kind of plan. Something you can see him working towards. For most decent women he doesn’t have to already have it if she can just see him trying to get it. But the problems seem to arise when a man actually IS on his grind and the woman in his life chooses to resent that instead of supporting it.
Case in point; I had this sister showing a lot of interest in me a while ago. She wanted to maybe get out, go bowling or have dinner. Now, we’re all adults here so you know the dynamic. She was interested in all that happening out of MY pocket, lol! I’m absolutely fine with that, I was raised that way and I’m cool with it. I like to pay.
So I tell her, that’s cool, I’d like that too. But it may be a couple of weeks before we can hook up. “See right now I’m preparing to launch my first product in a couple of weeks and I kinda need to devote my extra time and funds to that- at least until the 16th. I just have a lot to do before then so I’m devoting my off-days and weekends to that right now.”
I never heard from her again. And I think I understood better at that moment than any other why God had been keeping me single so long. I definitely understand a woman wanting a man that’s trying to do something. Every man should be trying to get something beyond his typical 9-5, unless he’s blissfully happy with that job.
What I don’t get is how so many women can be so adamant about wanting a man that’s doing something, and then be so selfish about the time it takes to…well, be doing something. We’re not talking about a guy that’s just never spending any quality time at all here. We’re just talking about a guy that’s on his grind and trying to accomplish something. And the extra time, effort and sacrifice that takes.
The saddest truth I’ve had to come to realize over the years, is that many times the biggest obstacle to a man achieving a dream or goal that will elevate him to another level is the people closest to him. And often the biggest opponent to his dreams is the woman he loves. I really pride myself in being a man who is sensitive to the needs and desires of his woman. I try to support the things that are important to her, and I NEVER want to be the one in her life that is clipping her wings when she’s trying to fly. The sad truth though, is that many people- men and women alike- do just that with the people they love.
When this happened I was at a time in my life where I was finally seeing some real, tangible progress- proof I could see and feel, not just pipe dreams and “I’d like to” thoughts that never come to fruition. I’m talking customers, and followers, and a few sales under my belt. So it kinda sucked a little not having someone special in my life at that time.
When I come up, and I know I will, I want someone that was there for the struggle. That person I can go to when I accomplish a goal and say “guess what baby!” And she congratulates me and hugs me and we celebrate together.
I guess I see the appeal of walking into a situation where the brother is already established, already making a certain amount in his own business, etc. but anyone can walk in after the work is done and set up shop. I knew if I waited until I was successful it would be hard for me to trust that anyone giving me attention was really genuinely interested in me for who I am or just a certain level of financial success I’ve attained.
So in spite of my own reservations about whether I should actually be doing it or not, I kept putting myself out there anyway. Hoping God would allow me to meet someone who was just genuinely and completely interested in me for who I am, right where I am.
I wondered many times if I’d have to choose between the dream or the relationship. I didn’t want to have to, but I was certainly ready to. And the choice would be the dream. I just know me. And I knew it would be a whole lot harder for a sister to walk in after I’ve achieved some level of success, who couldn’t see the value of being with me where I am right now. And worse yet, one who was so short-sighted that she’d rather see me spend money on a $10.00 hamburger than a business that could eventually buy us both steak.
That sister should have been at least intrigued enough to ask about the product or the business. She should have seen that as a positive. Here’s a brother with a goal, that’s actually doing something about it and from the sound of things, about to actually achieve one. We were talking about going out in a couple of weeks rather than going out this weekend. That’s all the “sacrifice” I was asking her to make. But instead she saw the whole thing as a negative and bounced. And I’d like to thank her for that.
Because her short-sighted, self-centered approach to dating left me free to eventually meet the sister who DID have enough vision to at least go out for a bite with me. Sitting across that table from me she saw what others weren’t even willing to take a look at. I shared it all with her, from the divorce to the child support to the dream. And none of it mattered to her. She’s still here in my life, encouraging me and praying for me and cheering me on. Speaking life over me, calling things that are not as though they were.
When I speak to her of my goals, dreams and plans I often ask her what she thinks of them. And she always says the most powerful thing a woman can say to her man: “I support you baby. Whatever you want to do, I’m with you.”